Yesterday I had a lot of work to accomplish and I decided to focus on it. Webdesign work went smoothly, as did setting up the referral program for Things are Going Great in my Absence. I had a simple joy as I was working on the web work. I ended up having to learn a whole lot more about Joomla and start playing with PHP code to deal with one of the issues. Rather than frustrating me it was fun.
About 3pm I decided to go ahead and do picture two. Even though she warns it's better to wait a week between images, I felt like I could handle it due to the amount of magic and trance possession work we've done. Stupid reasons aside, I felt like I should. So I took a look at the image, this one of a Buddah and opened myself up to groking it like the first one (I'd already read the chapter the day prior). I remember going to lie down and thinking, "it should be interesting, how this could top the last one."
Again I don't really remember a ton of the thoughts of the time, however I do remember that this experience started out with special effects (in my mind). The first one I experienced an explosion of light, so I was sitting there waiting for thoughts or another explosion of light when instead it was like the sky opened up and poured black powder all over me. Not explosive black powder mind you, I just remember perceiving it as solidifying, comforting, stabilizing. The place I had chosen to lie down was right underneath this giant Ganesha Mask that we had made (and used) for a ritual with Ganesh as the Center of Attention (I was wearing the mask). I remember that a lot of my time (yesterday, not at the ritual) was a conversation about me (Everyone's favorite topic!). Thinking back, I remember clearly that if I want something, it's OK to want it, but I need to let go of what was. I need to let go of the not having it. A large amount of the time (30 minutes this time) was spent letting go. I remember at one point it felt as if the black powder had bonded to darknesses of my "soul" and was doing a storm in me, stripping it clean. It actually kinda hurt, but in that showing with really good soap and a bristle brush kinda way.
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I had set an alarm to get up because I needed to go to a customer for an "emergency call." Most of my experience occurred in a point between wakefulness and dreaming. Call it lucid dreaming if you will, but the depth varied. I felt overloaded spiritually and mentally, not in a bad way, more like I wished for $1,000,000 and a genie delivered it into my house in $1 bills. I had what I wanted, but I was trying to make space and deal with it and suddenly my neighbor rang the doorbell and asked whether I wanted to come to our weekly poker game. At this point I remember thinking, "I don't want to get up."
Spirit Replied, "Then don't."
I said, "I gave my word."
Spirit Replied, "So? What do you want to do?" (there were concepts there of "Who do you want to be" and open paths in front of me to choose)
I said, "I want to keep my word. I can do other things later."
Spirit Replied, "As you wish." and I woke up and my mind began "clearing." (More like someone dug a path to my front door through the money)
I got up and got ready to head out the door, but I do remember exclaiming in excitement to Misty as I woke her up to watch Ari... "I can't believe I let someone who couldn't prove positive Manifestaion in the least teach me manifestation."
I'd always manifested by focusing on what I wanted intensely and accepting it. This "teacher" didn't have much of anything in life and is quite unhappy, however he's confident that he knows Magic and Spirituality inside and out. For a while I had started accepting his idea that you need to envision what you want clearly and in your control and then let it go completely. Recently he started adding in "Wrap it in Pink Light before you let it go."
I wasn't having luck with his way and never had and yet when I thought about Manifestation instead of just doing it I ended up failing at his way instead of succeeding at mine.
I was walking out the door when my daughter called out "Daddy you forgot your laptop." I had just thought a few minutes before that I should take it, but I reasoned that I wouldn't need it for the appointment. For a moment, I debated telling her I had done so on purpose, but then I realized how odd it was that she said that. She doesn't usually care if I take my laptop with me when I go. I decided to thank her and take it with me.
I am glad Lola warned about was the emotional rollercoaster and how to just go with it. I was driving down the road and I heard something on the radio. I don't even remember what, but I suddenly burst out crying. I was driving down the road sobbing hysterically, wiping snot off my face, tears streaming down my face and Screaming out in Tearful Joy "I DON'T HATE MYSELF ANYMORE!"
I hadn't thought I hated myself, but there was definitely release. I do feel good and happy and worthy, and I'm not sure if I did before. Everyone has moments of happiness, but I was looking to experience them outside myself. I knew how to do things to make me happy and how to choose to feel happy, but I'm not sure that I'd just been happy for a while. There's a difference. It really feels like the biggest part is that I used to fill lack with tricks I'd learned, but I don't believe in the lack right now.
When I got to the area of town with the customer I realized that I hadn't made a map and didn't know where they were. I went to call them and found that the number they had given me was their work number. After an hour drive I had no way to find the customer...
oh wait. LAPTOP. I opened it up, used it to research the customers location. I showed up at their large Mansion, after 5 minutes had their issue resolved and a promise of a check waiting at their law office the next day.
As of this sentence we've covered almost 3 hours after looking at picture two... It was a LONG night. I'll cover more in the next update, but I have other things I need to do now.
Power Before Wisdom